1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
