True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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