Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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