What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
