They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
