I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
