The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
