she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize