Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
