They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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