New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize