He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
