Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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