you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
