just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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