I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
