new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
