the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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