I cannot find my penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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