Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
