OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
