Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
