So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
