roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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