i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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