I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
