You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
