dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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