So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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