Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
