Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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