Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
