People with herpes should wear stickers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
