Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dick has a subreddit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
