i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize