You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
