Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
