she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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