he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
