bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize