i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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