I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
