my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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