You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
