if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
