Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
