:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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