why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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