All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
