she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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