Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
