Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
