I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
