mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
