Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
