so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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