dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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