The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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