I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
