so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
