look no pants
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
