So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
