I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
