Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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