you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
