I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize