You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
