apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
