he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
