Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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