I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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