U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
