If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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