Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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